When it comes time for your family photo session, you might wonder whether you should ask a family member or friend to help out with your little kids. Many parents share their doubts with me about whether their kid “will last” the entire time we’re together, or will “behave” or smile for the camera. They worry about carrying a bag with snacks, favorite toys, and change of clothes during their session. And they wonder if its okay to bring a stroller and leave it off to the side unattended. These worries often lead to them wondering “should I just bring someone along to assist?”
As far as carrying things or bringing a stroller, your photographer will let you know which locations are best if you’re bringing one or if a stroller is necessary. I often tell my clients that it’s not necessary. Most locations don’t require a lot of walking. In fact, your photographer can do your entire session in one spot, no matter the location.
Some photographers have a wagon to help with carrying your diaper bags, purses, etc. I find it to be a hindrance, so I don’t use one. But I am always offering to carry things.
So let’s talk about the when and why you should or should not bring someone to assist you with your kids at a session.
First, let’s understand the role of a lifestyle family photographer or a lifestyle newborn photographer. These professionals capture beautiful, natural moments of your family in a relaxed setting. They strive to bring out the joy and personality of each family member, creating memories that will be cherished for years to come. Your photos will focus on you being in the moment with your kids, enjoying each other’s company, and looking at one another instead of at the camera. Your photos will feel like one of your own memories printed for others to see.
If you’re hiring a lifestyle photographer like myself, keep this in mind when bringing someone along to assist you. The advice below works for family/newborn sessions, Senior/Grad sessions, and even engagement sessions, but will be geared towards families with small children since that is usually when people feel the need to have an extra pair of hands.
Should You Bring a Helper?
Simple answer is No. If the person you want to bring along is not going to be in the photos, it’s best not to bring them along.
But, your photographer is likely never going to say “No, don’t bring someone to help you with your kids or belongings”. Instead, they’ll walk you through the Pros and Cons of bringing an additional person.
So, if the general rule is NO, when you SHOULD bring a helper?
One major consideration is the size of your family. If you have a small family, it is usually always easier for the photographer to handle everything themselves. However, if your family is quite large (i.e. 5 kids under 10 yrs old), having an extra pair of hands can be beneficial.
It’s also essential to consider the helper’s level of trust and willingness to follow the photographer’s directions. They should be supportive and cooperative, ensuring that the main focus remains on capturing beautiful and meaningful images of your family. If your Helper is not great at sitting back and letting someone else take the reins, it’s probably best to pick someone else or nobody at all. Because the last thing anyone wants is for your Helper to take over your session. You didn’t hire your Helper, you hired a professional photographer. So if the person you have in mind to help is easy going, there’s probably no harm in bringing them along.
But, before you ask Grandma or your sibling, see below why you should NOT bring a helper.
When or Why You Should NOT Bring a Helper
Unless your Helper can put people at ease, its best they not tag along.
Some people might feel self-conscious or uncomfortable with someone they know present during the photoshoot. This could hinder their ability to relax and be themselves. In such cases, it’s best to stick with just the photographer, who has experience making everyone feel comfortable in front of the camera and capture genuine moments.
Helpers can some times interfere more than they actually help.
When you have someone standing off to the side or behind your photographer trying to get a kid to laugh or smile, guess where your kid will be looking in your photo. Not at the camera. Not at you. But at your Helper. And often times, it’s not just your kid looking off to the side, its you. Adults tend to watch their helper making silly faces, playing with a toy, or making funny sounds instead of looking at each other or their child because, well, it’s hard not to look. It’s distracting actions on purpose so it’s no surprise every one gets distracted. Instead of letting you be in the moment with your kid, your photographer is having to redirect you.
Breaking up a moment is another way Helpers tend to interfere.
You can be having a beautiful moment snuggling with your kids, tickling them, listing to them tell you a story, kissing on their head and smelling their hair, and then your Helper will interrupt to fix a strand of your hair, or hide your kid’s diaper, or pull down your baby’s pant leg because in their mind, that’s what’s required for a beautiful photo or believe you’ll only love your photos if those things get fixed.
Remember, if those things matter to you and the photographer you chose to hire, those things will get fixed. They may not even be in the frame as your photographer if taking photos.
Consider whether your children become overstimulated easily before you decide to bring an extra person along.
Even if its someone they know and love, it can become overwhelming for some kids. Your session may take place at a park your kids have never been to and that can already be a lot for some kids. They’re taking in a new landscape: the sights, smells, sounds. There may be wildlife, joggers, other families having their photo taken. And then they are potentially meeting your photographer for the very first time. Once your session begins they’ll have three people telling them what to do (their parents and a person with a camera). When you add in an extra person telling them instructions, it can be a lot. And when your Helper’s instructions start to differ from the photographer’s, it can be confusing.
Lastly, they can potentially get in the way or become an obstacle as your photographer moves around.
our photographer moves around a lot during a session. They are making the most out of every “pose” they place your family in before moving to a new one. They move around to get different angles and perspectives to add variety to your overall gallery of images. This also allows moments to unfold naturally and provides time for your family to relax and ease into the “pose”.
The one situation I’d recommend you never bring a helper?
If you’re attending a mini session (15 to 20 minute photo session at a set location during a set time slot) Do Not bring anyone who isn’t going to be photographed. Your Helper won’t add much help during such a short session and will often just be in the way. Your photographer has a workflow set and ready to go at minis so they can work quickly and get all the photos they need to in a short span of time. Bringing an additional person who is trying to get a kid to smile or who is stepping in to fix sleeves or hair will be disruptive. It’ll cut into the amount of time your Photographer has to capture images.
If you’re attending a mini session at a studio or similar location, there’s often not a lot of space for helpers to stand around. If its a smaller studio space, it also means it may be louder with everyone’s voices bouncing off the walls. Too much noise can make a session feel chaotic (even when its not) which can lead to overstimulation.
Apart from these considerations, it’s worth mentioning that professional photographers are skilled in managing the photoshoot and have the necessary equipment and expertise to handle different lighting and composition situations. They are experienced in creating a cohesive visual story that portrays the unique essence of your family.
Who Should You Bring?
If you ask your photographer if you can bring Grandma to your session to help with your kids, they’ll likely never tell you “NO, bring someone else”, at least I wouldn’t. But I would give you the advice shared here to help you decide if they are the best person for the role.
My advice to those thinking about bringing a helper is to choose a friend.
Choose a friend who knows your kids, who they like, but who is not currently their favorite person in the world.
That may seem counterintuitive, I know. Why would you not want to bring along their favorite person? Well, for the same reason you shouldn’t bring Grandma or Grandpa. If your kids love your Helper too much, all they’ll want to do the entire photo session is to hang out with, play with, and stay beside the Helper. Not you.
The last thing you want at your family photo session that you invested money into is to barely get any photos of yourself with your kids because they wanted to be held by someone else.
But not only that, its not uncommon for kids to want to be goofier than usual at a photo session. They may want to show off in front of the photographer, or test their boundaries with the photographer. (All totally fine and manageable). But when you also include someone who they love playing with and then are told they can’t, it can lead to an upset kid. They may not understand why they need to sit in mommy’s lap when Uncle Joe, who they don’t see every day, is an option. Why they should be held by Dad, when Grandma is present?
It’s a lot easier for a young kid to want to sit in Mommy’s lap or be tossed in the air by Daddy when the only other option around is Mom’s friend, Susan.
The other reason I recommend bringing a friend rather than a family member is that family members have a tendency to feel like they have a claim to your photos and therefore should have a say in what photos you get and how go you about getting them.
Your friends don’t care what your family photos look like or how your kids are behaving in your photos.
Photographers witness this all the time whether its at a wedding, a party, or a family photo shoot. And when someone you love tells you what photos they want you to take, it is hard for you to tell them NO. It’s also hard to say No in front of your photographer because it may hurt your family member’s feelings or embarrass them.
If your potential helper is a family member who will be receiving copies of your family photos, ask yourself if they have the same ideas around what your family photos should look and feel like. If you want your kids to be running around, laughing, making silly faces, being tossed in the air and snuggled up in your embrace and rarely ever looking at the camera or being told to sit still, make sure your Helper is on the same page. Otherwise, your fun, loving moments can be interrupted by someone telling your kids to do the opposite of what you want.
The last reason I suggest bringing a friend rather than a family member is your friend likely has no say whatsoever in your child’s discipline.
A family photo session has a different dynamic to it. Parents/Guardians are still in charge but they are lending the Photographer their authority role for about an hour or so. Your photographer becomes the one dictating what your kid should and shouldn’t be doing. And your photographer is not going to be disciplining or reprimanding your kids for not doing something or for doing some other than what they suggest. That’s not our job. Our job is to make sure your kids have a fun time with you while in front of the camera so that they want to keep doing photos year after year. Our job is to make sure they are being their most authentic selves so that you have photos of them smiling naturally and being true to who they are at that moment in their lives.
I often tell parents at the beginning of a session that their parenting is not on display. They don’t need to prove to me that they are amazing parents who have the best behaved children in the world. I already go into a session believing you love your kids, are great parents, and want your kids to have a good time. I have very little expectations when it comes to behavior. As long as they aren’t doing anything dangerous or hurting others, kids are okay to do what they want. Leave the discipling for later.
That can be more difficult for an additional family member to hear and follow at a family session when they are the bystander, the “helper”. It can feel and look more chaotic to someone standing on the sidelines. They may not feel needed when the kids are allowed more freedom. And that can lead some people to step in when its not necessary, to share their opinions when they aren’t asked, or to fix things that don’t need fixing.
If your photographer sets a scene for you to be holding your child and loving on them and your kid starts playing with your necklace and telling you about their day, that moment can be ruined if your Helper steps in to fix their pant leg, or straighten a bow in their hair, or tells you to sit up straight, or tells your kid to look at the camera and smile.
When your photographer tells your kid to look at their parents, it can be very confusing when someone they know and love tells them to instead look at the camera. And that confusion can lead to frustration and a kid who no longer wants to take photos.
It’s easier for a kid to ignore Mom’s friend, Susan, than it is for them to not listen to Grandma.
To sum it all up, having a friend or family member assist during a family photoshoot can be beneficial in certain situations, while in others, it may be better to rely solely on the professional photographer. The decision rests on factors such as the size of your family, the dynamics among family members, a Helper’s personality, and individual comfort levels. Ultimately, the goal is to ensure a relaxed and enjoyable experience, resulting in beautiful, natural moments captured forever.
And, in case you’re wondering, the session featured in this blog post did not include a helper.
